Wednesday, November 13, 2013

What About Mommy?

For months it was all about "me, me, ME" around here! My weekly bumpdates were a big part of NTSST. Naturally it has been all about Ella these days. Now of course no one seems to be complaining about all of the cuteness! "What about Mommy though?!?" Well then, since you asked...I figured I'd let you all in on how I'm doing!

Disclaimer...
If some of this seems a little negative, please don't take any of it the wrong way. I absolutely LOVE being a Mom! Ella is everything to me, I feel so lucky that I was picked to be her Mamma. There is nothing that I would ever want to change! I just want to be completely honest about how I'm adjusting to being a new Mommy! Also, I'm pretty sure many first time Moms will be able to relate!

Life is incredibly different (duh)....and different for the better of course! For some reason the change was not totally how I expected! I'm going to admit that being a Mom is definitely harder than I anticipated. Trust me, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. This was a challenge that Hubs and I were ready for, and we are doing a pretty awesome job if I do say so myself! Throughout my pregnancy I didn't have the common concerns that moms-to-be often have. Basically I never had any of those "am I going to be a good mom" worries. Also I wasn't concerned at all about how our life as we knew it was never going to be the same. Maybe I had a strong sense of confidence since I had tons of experience working with children of all ages - between working at a day care, taking care of the Sergi kiddos for years, and being a Guidance Counselor.

When Ella arrived reality set in fast! It's amazing how much you could worry about a newborn. Being that I'm not one to play the "scenarios" or "what-if" game...this is something that surprised me. Suddenly I was laying in bed making sure I heard breathing, and even getting up every so often to feel her chest. I'm sure almost all Moms do this - but I just never thought I'd be that Mom! It's crazy how you second guess everything! "Why isn't she happy? Is she eating enough? Is she too cold? Is she too hot? Does she have a fever? Does her tummy hurt? Should I give her gas drops? Am I holding her and rocking her the right way?" I've told you all how our first 6 weeks with Ella was rough until we figured out the dairy issue, and changed the formula I was supplementing with around the six week mark. She cried non-stop, no joke it was constant!

Once our family went back home to New York and South Florida...and Stephen went back to work there was a bit of a rough patch. There were more tears than I'd like to admit. I was hardly eating, sleep was non-existent, I felt pretty lonely! I think I was worried to talk about how hard things were because I didn't want people to think that I was unhappy or ungrateful for such a sweet blessing! It was apparent that I needed help and I knew that I could no longer be afraid to ask for it.

Thank god Stephen is as wonderful as he is! We make such an amazing team, we now have our routine down to a science! I felt (and still feel) like I have SO much support! I probably called my mom five times a day often in tears with Ella screaming in the background! My mother in law was a life saver and was able to fly down to help out (twice). Even from a distance I felt so much support and love via the phone, text and internet! All of you...my bloggy friends were an incredible source of help for me too! The point is that once I opened up myself to ask for help and admit that I was struggling a bit, everything slowly started to come together. Gradually each day got a little easier and easier, and once we figured out the dairy situation everything clicked! Now things are GREAT! There was light at the end of the tunnel! You were all right!

We are 11 weeks in and definitely falling into a routine. Life has definitely settled down. Of course things don't always go as planned but it has gotten easier to manage the time and I'm starting to find a balance. I'm really enjoying my maternity leave and loving that I get to wake up and spend the day with my girl! Watching her grow and develop her little personality has been the most incredible experience. When she has her crying fits I no longer panic, breastfeeding is much easier, I'm not AS sleep deprived, and I'm not second guessing myself nearly as much! It's been nice to be able to take care of myself too (I painted my toes the other day)! I've been eating much better, and I've even been able to be in the kitchen much more! Ella likes to watch me cook! 
Throughout my pregnancy I gained 33 pounds, and I now only have 7 pounds left to lose! YAY! Most of my pre-pregancy clothes fit. I haven't even started working out yet. Being active during my pregnancy has obviously paid off!
3 days postpartum 
2 months postpartum
 So that's what has been going on with me! It has been quite the experience so far. I've learned so much in the past two months, and I'm learning so much more each and every day. It amazes me how much joy Ella has brought to our lives! I don't take it for granted for a single second...I'm one lucky Mamma! Life is good! 

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10 comments:

  1. Isn't it amazing how one little person can completely make you a different person and make you crazy and so happy all at the same time? I totally went through all of this. I checked on Paisley constantly and was afraid she would stop breathing and blankets had to just be right and I second guessed everything and dearly beloved post partum really had a hay day with my emotions! I cried all.the.time and felt incredibly lonely but never wanted to say anything to anyone so that they didn't think I was nuts!! You're doing good Momma :) Ella is a doll!

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  2. You are doing awesome!! Being a mom isn't easy but it's the most rewarding job in the world. You are a natural at it. Ella is a lucky kid to have you & Stephen as parents. You helped my kids into who they are today & they are pretty fantastic ;) just do the best you can & trust your instincts & it will go great.
    -Kim

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  3. Girl, you look great! :) I'm glad to hear you're adjusting well to motherhood. Ella is precious!

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  4. Glad to see you're doing so well! The first few months are rough for everyone I think :) I know they were for me. I remember being paranoid that my son was deaf when we first brought him home because I would vacuum and it wouldn't bother him at all. I called my mom in tears multiple times because of it! Thankfully his hearing is perfectly normal, and now I can run the vacuum during nap time and he won't wake up.

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  5. Checking in on you. I totally missed the dairy stuff, but glad you got it sorted out. You are clearly a terrific mom, Stephanie - that is one lucky girl! It's heavy stuff, caring for newborn. After all, it's all you (and your husband, of course). But it's a lot of pressure and it can weigh heavily on your patience and really confuse your sense of self, and that mucks with your self esteem. You are doing great, you look phenomenal, and I am cheering for you and sending you lots of good thoughts!

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  6. Hot mama! I can't wait to come play with you and Ella in December! We should do something active! Looking good!

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  7. You look great! and I love the way you did this post. It's nice to know how things have been going with you and for some people, it does show that the light at the end of the tunnel IS NOT A TRAIN! I have had tons of experience with children and "now" I feel like everything will be second nature to me when I finally do have a successful pregnancy/birth.. but with my history, I get butterflies wondering if I will go overboard in checking if the baby is breathing, never wanting to put the baby down, etc.
    Anyway.. SO GLAD that things are falling in place! XOXO

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  8. I never thought I would be THAT mom either, but it's amazing how fragile that little baby seems! I still always look to make sure I see breathing while Travis is sleeping. I'm so glad things are getting better for you! It's definitely no fun to feel like you're doing it all alone!

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  9. I will tell ya what Steph I def got the same feeling (a bit depressed) after having KJ and I didn't talk to anyone about it. I held it all in thinking that this was not a normal reaction. You are not alone in the slightest. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. I have been watching you become a mom this whole time and am so proud of you.You are doing a wonderful job. Heck I sure hope I lose my baby weight as soon as you have. You look fabulous! Keep up the incredible work and know that I am always just one simple email away. I might need your advice after baby Channen gets here in 5 weeks whoop whoop. This post actually helped me a lot. I have been counting down this whole time and not enjoying my free time enough with the hubs. I will make sure to do this.
    Thank you girly your amazing!
    Love you
    ash

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